But why is it that I'm so tired of being fat? Is it vanity or it because of my health? Or is it both? It has been 15 years of diets and yo-yo weight loss. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Unfortunately, it has consumed my life and has wreaked havoc on my self esteem. I'm not going to lie, in my youth I never found a mirror I didn't like. Today, reflections seem like I'm in a house of mirrors with a disturbing clown laughing overhead. Why do I care? I'm 42 years old, I'm happily married, and I don't care what people think.
Well, the truth is that I do care what people think and I don't know why. I see overweight people everyday in activities I would never partake in. These include swimming, wearing tight clothing, and taking off your shirt in public. The funny thing is, I never think twice about these people and they never enter my mind after my first impression. I also know that they wouldn't think twice about me. So why do I care so much? The simple answer is that I am vain. Aside from being vain, I'm also embarrassed and ashamed.
Vanity is one thing, but when you have children and you've lost your Father at a young age, death seems to be always on your mind. Health is definitely at the forefront of my decision to lose weight and though vanity plays a huge part, I want to live!
It's ok to be vain if your vanity is for the right reasons. My vanity comes from a place of disappointment that I've let myself go knowing I'm the sole contributor. I want to feel good about myself again, I want to look in the mirror and be proud of the person I see, I want to know that I gave my wife and children the best me.
I will not fail. I hate clowns.
Here is the latest Ultimate Black Belt Test video: